Farmer’s Divorce

A farmer walked into an attorney’s office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, “May I help you?”

The farmer said, “Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces.”

The attorney said, “Well do you have any grounds?”

The farmer said, “Yea, I got about 140 acres.” The attorney said, “No, you don’t understand, do you have a case?”

The farmer said, “No, I don’t have a Case, but I have a John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No you don’t understand, I mean do you have a grudge?”

The farmer said, “Yea I got a grudge, that’s where I park my John Deere.”

The attorney said, “No sir, I mean do you have a suit?”

The farmer said, “Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays.”

The exasperated attorney said, “Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?”

The farmer said, “No sir, we both get up about 4:30.”

Finally, the attorney says, “Okay, let me put it this way. WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?”

And the farmer says, “Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

Lawyer: “Are you married?”
Witness: “No, I’m divorced.”
Lawyer: “And what did your husband do before you divorced him?”
Witness: “A lot of things I didn’t know about.”

Grandpa dumped Grandma

I heard a pitiful story yesterday about a woman who spent her entire life cleaning up after some man’s crap and now he’s dumping her without an education and with about two pennies to scrap together to consider getting a reverse mortgage to make it through the rest of it. … Well at least from her point of view…

From his point of view… the nagging hag of a crazy woman he was tricked into marrying before he joined the service is finally being deployed and not in no damn box … he’s freeing himself before he spends eternity laying directly next to her… ugh.

Hey there are two sides to every story. Here’s some of Liz’s tips for those of you old farts that might be considering divorce in your medicare medicaid social security years…

• Talk about it. If you’re married, discuss with your partner how you’ll pay for long-term care. Home care and nursing homes can run $50,000 to $150,000 a year. Where would the money come from? How do you feel about using government assistance to pay for it?
• Evaluate long-term-care insurance. This coverage pays for nursing-home and (often) in-home care and can help you preserve your assets. But you need to purchase it before one of you becomes ill, and the older you are when you buy it, the more it costs. AARP has more information on how to evaluate coverage and costs.
• Consult an elder-law attorney about your options. If it’s too late for long-term-care insurance or you can’t afford it, you should know about your alternatives, whether or not you decide divorce is among them.
• If you do divorce, do it right. This is not a do-it-yourself project, particularly if you want to keep Medicaid from going after your assets after an ill spouse dies. Both partners need to be represented by attorneys, and a court-appointed guardian may be needed for a spouse who’s incapacitated.

Are You Going From 2 Incomes to 1?

Finances: Most Don’t Confront Financial Reality of Divorce until after Separation

By JOSIE BROWN

When Dee Coleman’s marriage ended, she was confronted with a very tough reality: She couldn’t survive on what she was making. “Strange now that when I look back, the emotional pain has long healed,” says Coleman, “But I still remember shaking in my boots when it dawned on me that to I needed to make some drastic changes, if I wanted to raise my eleven-year old daughter, and at the same time, not lose our home.”

Going from two incomes to one often is often a jarring taste of reality. As Robert Brownstein, a Sausalito, Calif., CPA and personal financial advisor explains, “And most people don’t confront it until after the actual separation.” Brownstein has worked with clients whose $400,000 household incomes plunged to $80,000 and less. “Grieving the loss of a marriage is much like grieving the death of a loved one. On top of all this emotional turmoil, you suddenly find yourself facing financial problems as well.”

Keep reading on divorce360.com

Are You Going To Refi During or After Your Divorce?

Tips to Help You Refinance your House in your Name after the Divorce

By DIVORCE360.COM STAFF

Are you getting divorced in the middle of a bad real estate market? Do you have to refinance your mortgage in only your name after years of having two incomes to support your mortgage?

“The ability to successfully refinance the loan in your name only will depend on your credit, income, and the amount of equity in the home,” said Greg McBride, a senior financial analyst at bankrate.com. “Falling home prices could throw a wrench in those refinancing plans if you owe more than the home is worth or if you possess little equity in the home.”

Keep reading here

Will You Consider Divorcing Over Crazy Credit Card Debt?

First came the mortgage crisis, then the banking crisis and now experts are predicting a credit card crisis is in the making. That crisis could push some couples over the financial edge. And the combination of financial pressures, job loss or high credit card debt may well make for a perfect storm when it comes to a couple’s uncoupling potential.

“This economic crisis is going to hurt everyone, even the well to do — especially those living on investment capital. As far the middle class: there will be no wiggle room financially anymore and the lower class may wind up on the streets. I do not believe anyone will go unscathed in this horrific economic crisis and marriages will suffer, whether a person is trying to make this marriage work or trying to survive a divorce,” said California attorney Stacy Phillips, author of the book “Divorce: It’s All About Control How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars.”

Phillips is among a growing number of financial and relationship experts from around the country who say they’re seeing more and more couples in financial trouble – and that can turn into emotional trouble and potential divorce in the making. “One or both are often more anxious and worried, which leads to more irritability and less tolerance. Couples are preoccupied and not as emotionally available to work on their issues,” said Phyllis Goldberg, a California marriage and family therapist and co-founder of hermentercenter.com, a site that helps divorcing women.

Credit card debt is the “next crisis facing our country. We are in credit card debt in the billions and …there didn’t seem to be an end in sight,” said Andrew Bernstein, a certified credit counselor with the Florida-based debthelper.com. For a couple whose debt has mounted, whatever the reason “Many times the first reactions are fear and a sense of panic, particularly if the collection calls have started. That will be followed by the question, ‘What do we do now?’,” he said.

Credit card debt “produces increased tension on a couple, especially younger ones who have not had a lot of experience in this area,” he said. “Having been in the credit counseling industry for more than 10 years, observations would indicate that financial tensions are a huge factor in separation and divorce.”

Given the current economic crisis and its widening reach, “Those couples who do not know how to talk about money in a productive way will be much more stressed and resentful, which will increase the likelihood of divorce,” said Tina Tessina, a California psychotherapist and author of “Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting about the Three Things that Can Ruin a Marriage.”

“If one party is not honest with the other party, it can cause a rift,” Phillips said. “For instance, going into a store or restaurant and having your card declined can be a very humiliating experience. If your mate has this experience because he/she thought the credit card was under its limit and you ran it up without disclosing that information, the fur might fly.”

In addition, “if your mate cancels the card and does not tell you, that embarrassment in the store that could have been avoided will undoubtedly cause significant problems in your relationship,” Phillips said.

Finally, “…if you are outspending your income, and putting additional purchases on credit cards, that can take a real toll on the relationship,” Phillips said.

“Couples need to tackle these credit card issues head on during these upcoming tough economic times. If not, it could cost them what was once seemed to be a perfectly good marriage,” she addedd.

Often, Bernstein said, the bill-paying spouse will get blamed for the credit card debt by the other spouse, who may not have known the couple’s financial picture. “…That will tend to lead to one blaming the other for not keeping up with things,” he said.

If one spouse loses a job or a medical issue arises that causes debt to mount, the situation “can exacerbate other problems the couple might be having,” Bernstein said.

“If you’ve lost your job, you’ll need to make an emergency plan, perhaps taking a job that’s less than you want, or a second, weekend job to make up the difference. Drastic times call for drastic measures,” Tessina said.

Bernstein cautioned credit card users to pay attention to what they’re spending: “What all consumers need to realize is that credit cards are not free money. Most cards are not interest-free, and there are several ways that the interest can increase that consumers are not necessarily aware of, such as when there are late payment- or over-the-limit penalties. Interest can increase dramatically. This can totally throw off a couple’s budget. For example, let’s take a couple that has four cards and are paying the minimum payments of $25. They have budgeted for $100 a month for their credit card bills. If they get a late fee, that would double on average, and if there is an over-the-limit fee, that would triple it. Now instead of $100 per month, there goes to $300 or more because of the increase in interest….”

“This is the time to sit down and talk about money in a serious fashion, and make a plan. If you’ve been living beyond your means, learn to budget and bring your spending under control. This isn’t easy, but you’ll feel better knowing the problem is being solved,” Tessina suggested.

California financial advisor Ginita Wall, who lectures on the topic “What Women Need to Know about Divorce,” said credit card defaults by couples “often lead to bankruptcy.”

And that can make divorce more difficult, experts say. New Jersey certified public accountant Noah Rosenfarb, who operates http://www.FreedomWealthAdvisors.com, said “One of the recently popular seminars for family attorneys is ‘Divorce or Bankruptcy: What should they file first? This is a hot topic among family attorneys, as most are worried about whether clients that want to get divorced can actually afford it. Aside from legal fees, many couples have to clean up their joint credit card debts, sell a house that may not be worth more than the mortgage, and then figure out how to afford to live in separate households when it was tough to pay the bills living together.”

Source and Keep Reading at divorce360.com